TWO blessings!

This week has been pretty challenging.  But, as I think back on this week, I am perfectly content with where I am in life.  This week started off with a to do list which included folding loads of laundry, cleaning, bunch of other stuff that needed to get done and taking the girls out. On Monday, I was on top of my game.  Did all the laundry and folded but waited to keep it all where it needed to go thinking that I can do that in a while after the babies wake up from their nap.  They woke up, and I let them run around with out thinking and decided to make dinner.  With two 15 month old babies running around creating chaos and havoc, I just realized that I just let them run around the house, with all these folded laundry in the laundry baskets on the floor and after that they ran to the tupperware cabinet and then it was the shoe closet that I forgot to close the door.  In less that 10 minutes, my little stinkers managed to unfold all of the laundry and take out all of the tupperware and shoes and it looked like a tornado ripped through my house.

My first reaction was frustration, because all that hard work I just put into folding these clothes and putting all the tupperware from the dishwasher in the cabinet in the little time I have every day had just been ruined.  Then, I realized how much fun they were both having taking all the clothes from the basket and throwing it on the floor and as they were doing it they were giggling at each other and laughing.

How could I not enjoy listening to them laugh like that?  I had to step back and realize, you know what.. it’s just laundry and tupperware and shoes.  It can be picked up later.  My babies are growing up so fast and I may not get another moment to enjoy seeing them have so much fun with each other.

Then, I made it a goal to get out more with them during the week for the new year.  On Tuesday & Thursday, I took them to a local mall where they have this amazing playground called the Dinosaur Gulch.  I may have quietly cursed myself out for taking them by myself when they were both running in two different directions and there were 400 other little kids running around.  But, we survived! It was a supermom kind of a day!

So, as I think back on this week:

  1.  Patience- You just need a whole lot of it to be a parent.
  2. It’s okay to let go- Not everything is going to be in its place all the time, so it’s okay to let go a bit and actually enjoy your children.
  3. Enjoy the Supermom in you- Sometimes you just feel so confident to do something and you just do it.  No matter how hard, you will survive.
  4. Take it One Moment At  A Time!!

Baby A and Baby B

I was being monitored by my new high risk OB/GYN due to the fact that I was now having twins.  Also, was being monitored by a regular OB/GYN who will perform the delivery and they were both in communication with each other concerning the well being of my babies and myself.

From 9 weeks on, I had to go get an ultrasound done every week and see my OB/GYN every other week.  The reason being that early on, they found out that the babies were mono/di twins.  Meaning that they were identical.  They both were in separate sacs but shared one placenta.  The way the doctors explained it was that there were three different types.  First one being Fraternal twins (di/di) who are in two separate sacs and have two separate placenta and they were low risk.  Second one being Identical Twins, which I was and it was the second highest risk.  Third one being, mono/mono twins that they share a sac and a placenta and this was the highest risk.

The reason why I had to go in every week was to monitor that the babies do not develop Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS).  Identical twins who share a placenta have blood connections inside the placenta. Twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS) happens when there are too many blood connections in one direction, causing an unequal flow of blood between the twins. One twin may receive too much blood and become overloaded with fluid, which puts a strain on his/her heart. This twin then squashes the other twin against the wall of the uterus. The other twin then receives too little blood and doesn’t grow well.
The baby receiving too much blood will try to get rid of the excess of fluid by producing more urine. As a result, that baby will have too much amniotic fluid around him/her, while the other twin will have little or none.

And this could happen at any time during the pregnancy, but most likely the symptoms start early.  I went in every week for an ultrasound to measure their fluid levels inside the sacs.  I looked forward to seeing them every week and witnessing them growing in front of my eyes was absolutely priceless.  I got to take home their ultrasound pictures to show my husband and needless to say I have a drawer full of ultrasound pictures of them!!

My tummy was definitely getting bigger quickly.  I had to start getting maternity clothes.  I ordered a bunch from different boutiques from Zulily that a friend told me about because I sure couldn’t find much at any stores that I went to.

Here is one baby and here is the OTHER one..

So, on January 1st of 2014, my husband and I decided that we were ready to become parents.  We were ready to put our needs behind, grow up and ready to care for another human being.  Boy.. We had no freaking clue!   We prayed about our need right off the bat.  I remembered the verse, “Ask and you shall receive”  We started trying to become pregnant and we didn’t know how long this was going to take, a week? a month? 6 months? a year? or more?

The reason I say this is because I was diagnosed with Endometriosis at the age of 21 after one of my ovarian cysts ruptured.  I had to be rushed into surgery thinking it was appendicitis and instead they gave me this diagnosis and everything in my life started to make sense at that point like why I was in so much pain every month since I was 11.  Well, the gynecologist told me after my surgery that some women will end up having trouble getting pregnant, can’t get pregnant or will do just fine.  Well I wasn’t sure where I would fall into in these categories, but one thing was for certain.  My boyfriend at the time and husband now, Winslo, had always reassured that we will take it one day at a time and if not, there were plenty of babies waiting to be adopted when the time comes.  I loved him for sticking by me through good times and bad.

Well, it took ONE week for us to get pregnant.  I think God knew that I didn’t have the patience.  I knew something was different with my body. I’ve been talking to winslo about these random cravings for food I was having, like Cajun rice from Popeyes.  Before I got home from work, I stopped by the drugstore and got 3 pregnancy tests.  As soon as I got home, I was so tired that I just passed out on the couch without even taking my shoes off.  That was not me.  I never took a nap during the day or after work.  Winslo came home from the hospital around 8p.m. and found me on the couch passed out.  He woke me up and asked me if I was okay and what I wanted to eat for dinner.  Without even thinking, I blurted out, “A Burger!”.  Seriously?!  Did I just say that?  Yes, I did.  This was the day before my 29th Birthday and I wanted a burger and nothing was going to stop me from getting one.  At that moment, I knew something was totally off, so I ran upstairs and took a pregnancy test while Winslo was changing.  I took the test and left it on the counter and came back to see what it was and there was a faint positive sign.  That’s when I kicked myself for not getting the digital pregnancy tests.  I called out for Winslo and showed him the test. He was like, “well, that’s not clear”, “You are not pregnant, honey and plus you should be taking it first thing in the morning not in the evening.” I said, yeah I guess you are right and we went to go get some burgers!

So, that night around midnight, officially the day of my birthday, my husband surprised me with a lit up cake, 29 pink roses with a note on each one as to why he loves me, bunch of my favorite chocolates and a large Popeyes Cajun Rice!  Haha.. it was the best birthday ever!

I woke up around 5:30am that morning before work and took another pregnancy test before Winslo left for work as well.  This one came out in a big bold positive sign.  Like, this can’t be real!!  So, I took the 3rd one.  Yup, there it is again!  Winslo and I were so happy and the best birthday gift God could ever give me!

Just to make sure I was still pregnant, I went and got another 3 pregnancy tests.. all digital this time.  Yup, I was still pregnant!  Everything went smoothly and as expected for about 2 to 3 weeks.  Then, on Superbowl Sunday, we were over at one of Winslo’s attending’s house watching the game with everyone.  Something didn’t feel right, so I went to the bathroom and noticed that I was bleeding heavily.  My heart sank and thought the worst.  I’ve heard that if you start bleeding when you are pregnant, most likely you are having a miscarriage.  I just sat there and cried.  I finally got the courage to go get Winslo and told him that I was bleeding.  He took me upstairs and I just couldn’t stop crying and told him we had to go.  One of our good friends, Laura and her husband who is an ER physician saw us by the door getting our stuff to leave all of a sudden.  He asked if everything was okay, and we told him that we just recently found out that I was pregnant and what was happening.  He reassured us that everything will be okay but convinced us to go to the ER right away just to make sure that I was okay and he called one of his colleagues there that night and told them we were coming.  We went straight to the ER, and the ride there was the longest ride of my life.  Winslo and I just held hands and I’ve never seen him so sad before but trying to stay strong for me and reassuring that God is in control and not us.  He was right.

We got to the ER at OSU and luckily, one of the nurses there recognized Winslo from the service and took care of us so beautifully and kept me calm.  She asked me, how far along I was and I said maybe 3 to 4 weeks. She said, “aww it’s a little bitty one in there!”  I busted out crying, thinking what if she was wrong!!  They got me a room, and saw one of the ER resident and she tried to do an ultrasound and couldn’t find anything.   I continued to bleed, and one of the ER attending came in and recognized winslo and he just so happened to be an expert with ultrasounds.  He told me that the resident couldn’t find anything, but he also wanted to take a look if that was okay.  I was said, yes that’s fine and he proceeded with the ultrasound.  It took a little bit but he found a sac.  He said, well, there is something there and it is very early but the only way we will know if it’s a viable pregnancy is with time.  He asked me to be patient and in a week or two, to go see my OB/GYN.   We didn’t tell our parents before this night that we were pregnant and wanted to do an elaborate surprise pregnancy reveal later on, but that night, I told Winslo to call my parents and his parents and just ask them to Pray.  We told our parents, who were ecstatic but scared at the same time since I was in the ER.  My parents prayed with us over the phone and I felt so much calmer.

We got home around 4am and needless to say, the next week was the longest week of our lives.  I called my OB/GYN to move up the appt sooner due to the situation and went in for my first appointment what would be my 6 weeks.  I was nervous, because we were going to find out if that sac was still there.  She did the ultrasound and found the sac and also there was what looked like to be something else beside it but didn’t look like a sac, more like a blood clot and she also said it could also be an unformed twin that didn’t make it.  Since I had the bleeding episode before, she thought that it may have been a blood clot that will just eventually pass. I didn’t think twice about it and went back to work.  She printed out the ultrasound pictures and asked me to show it to my husband to see what he thinks the other blob is.  She told me to come back at 9 weeks to do another ultrasound to make sure everything is okay.

ultrasound1

Here it is.. 9 weeks!  I went in for my appointment and Winslo unfortunately couldn’t take the time off, so I reassured him that it will be fine and it’s just a routine appointment to make sure everything is okay and I will just let him know what comes of it later when he gets off or I will text him.  Like last time, she did the ultrasound and we found what actually looked like a little baby this time with a little halo attached to it.  I was in awe, because it didn’t look like a BLOB.  It was a BABY. Well.. she then moved her ultrasound wand over a little and she took a deep breath with a big smile on her face..Well Susan, here is one baby that we saw earlier AND here is the OTHER one!!  I covered my mouth in complete utter SHOCK!  All that was coming out of my mouth was, “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!  OH MY GOSH!!”  IS THIS FOR REAL?!”  She just couldn’t stop laughing and be happy for me.  The whole staff there was so happy  and I felt like a zombie walking out of there but it meant that I couldn’t see her any longer because they had to ship me off to a High Risk clinic.

ultrasound 2

I got out of the clinic and I texted Winslo “Call Me ASAP!”.  Then, I called my parents and my dad picked up the phone and he asked me how my appt went and I just said, “Dad, I’m having TWO babies!”  He was quiet for a bit and just kept saying ,”Seriously?!” and handed the phone over to mom and told her.   All I heard from mom was screaming and laughter.  Haha, the funny thing was, ever since I was little, I would always get something with a twin, meaning, an egg with two yolks, two strawberries fused together, or two bananas fused together and my mom would always jokingly say that if I ate it, I was going to have twins later.  I was like.. whatever mom!  Lol, it came true!!  We were both laughing at all of that and just felt utter happiness!

Then.. on the drive home, the fear began to settle in.  How was I going to carry two babies?  How would we do this alone with our parents and family being so far away in another state?  How would he do his fellowship?  Can I continue to work?  Can we afford TWO babies if I stop?  Are they going to be healthy?  Are they going to be full term?  How would I deliver them? Will they have to spend time in the NICU?!   And the list went on and on..

I remember coming home, putting my things down, going upstairs and getting down on my knee and praying.  Just being thankful for it all and gave Him all my worries because I sure wasn’t strong enough to do it all.

Winslo called me back after his surgery and asked if everything was okay and I just blurted it out that we are going to have twins.  He was in disbelief.  I explained to him everything on his drive back home and every other Thursday, the other residents, attendings and him used to go play basketball.  This was on a Thursday, and he seemed a bit out of it and seemed shocked with the news that I just gave him but happy nonetheless.  I just told him that I was getting tired and was going to lay down while he went to go play basketball.  He went to go change to go play and all of the sudden, I heard a huge thud.  I was half sleepy and just thought that the laundry basket with clothes that I just placed in the closet may have fell over and fell back asleep.  He came out after 10 mins or so, kissed me goodbye and left.  He got back home, and after we had dinner, he sat me down and it finally began to sink in.  He then told me, “Remember that sound you heard in the closet?!  Well I passed out for a little.”  I said, “Are you serious?!  Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!” Are you okay?!”  He then said, “Well, it was a lot of information to take in.  And plus, if I told you before, you wouldn’t let me go play basketball and I wanted to go.”   I just laughed.

The take away from it all.. Don’t let anyone tell you what you are capable of or what your limits are.   God is in control and not YOU.  Give it all to HIM, no matter how small or big it may be.